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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in electroboy_esq's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, April 29th, 2009
2:01 pm
The Ways in Which I Have Injured Myself In The Past Several Days.
April 25

Sent off for blood in the A side match. Must've taken an elbow to the head or something. Ended up with an inch long cut on my scalp. Nothing serious, but head wounds bleed a lot. No pictures, unfortunately.

April 26

Helped David move the shed for the bees. The following happened:

1. Smashed left ring finger between the shed and a rock.
2. Stabbed in the right palm with a nail.
3. Bees crawled up my pants and stung me on my ass.

April 27

Took an awkward step and heard a crunching sound in my instep. Walking with a slight limp now.

April 28

Taking the storm windows out. Had to jiggle the bottom window to remove it from the track. Said jiggling caused the top window to come loose and slam down on both my hands. Managed to avoid saying "Motherfucker!" in front of Jess's preteen sisters.

April 29

Not an injury per se, but it hurts when I raise my right arm above shoulder height.
Sunday, December 14th, 2008
10:49 am
So I got really freaked out this morning when I found a bunch of half chewed leaves on the poinsettia DW's father gave us and Stupid Cat #1 yakking in the corner (which, in and of itself, is unremarkable due to its frequency). So, I was getting ready to rush the cat over to the emergency vet but thought I'd look up exactly how toxic they are. Turns out, not so much at all.
Thursday, November 20th, 2008
12:35 pm
All forwarded emails are dumb, but this is so dumb I had to share. Let the mockery commence:

Date: Thu, 20 Nov 2008 07:36:29 -0800
From: xxxxxx@yahoo.com
Subject: liberals and conservatives

History 101 (Crash course)

For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before deleting it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.

And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self.

Tuesday, November 4th, 2008
10:53 am
Civic Duty, Completed!
DW and I went to vote this morning. We were both pretty excited about it, which is a definite change. Pretty uneventful, our polling place was a block and a half away at the senior center. The polling place was sweltering, like a good 20 degrees warmer than it should have been. I don't know whether it was due to so many people in such a tiny room, or whether the old people like it warm. The only unusual thing was that they had two rows of chairs set up and once you got your smart card you sat down in the back row, and as people got up to vote you move over one, and so on, then up to the front row, then over the other way. Good times.

Besides the presidential, not too much interesting on the ballot. Voted for early voting, against slots, and for all the bond issues. But voting for Obama was pretty fucking cool.
12:14 am
(12:10:15 AM) Rawdog: what'd y'all do to mule?
(12:10:35 AM) gar: he had to go
(12:10:54 AM) Rawdog: where?
(12:11:01 AM) gar: get tacos
(12:11:06 AM) Rawdog: oh, that's OK then
(12:11:20 AM) gar: he love him some tacos
Monday, April 7th, 2008
11:12 am
Some hazardous, others not so much
So I got this from the city DPW.

I'm guessing the graphic design intern was told that glue and computer waste was hazardous.
Sunday, October 7th, 2007
10:25 pm
The first pics
The Ceremony

The Reception

The Aftermath
3:50 pm
I am a married man.
Thursday, September 20th, 2007
12:58 pm
I win the internet.
Because I found instructions on how to make bacon.
Thursday, August 30th, 2007
9:48 am
Best "blog" ever
The blog of unnecessary quotation marks!
Wednesday, August 29th, 2007
2:23 am
The difference between me and kaz...
From this ask mefi, posted exactly 1 minute apart.

I like when my bf joins me before or after business trips, but never during. I'm just too busy and stressed and if I get a free evening all I want to do is veg out at the hotel while he would want to go out, sightsee, etc. That may be part of her weirdness, in addition to a birthday-aversion.
posted by misskaz at 1:42 PM on August 28 [+] [!]

If she is cheating on you, she'll feel awful that she's doing it to such a nice guy. and soon after I guess she'll either dump the guy she's cheating with or make a clean breast to you.

Sure. Keep telling yourself that.

Obviously, we're only getting the boyfriend's side of this, so if he's inclined toward paranoia there's no way to tell. Changing explanations, change in level of affection, etc points to something fishy going on.
posted by electroboy at 1:43 PM on August 28 [+] [!]

To sum up: Kaz, rational optimist. Electroboy, cynical dick. But you already knew that.
Monday, August 27th, 2007
1:00 am
Booker White. Great bluesman, or greatest bluesman? Discuss.
12:36 am
From : Internal Revenue Service <service@irs.gov>
Reply-To : <do-not-reply@irs.gov>
Sent : Sunday, August 26, 2007 1:52 PM
Subject : IRS Notification - Fiscal Activity
Go to previous message|Go to next message|Delete|Inbox
After the last annual calculations of your fiscal activity we have determined that you are eligible to receive a tax refund of $176.55. Please submit the tax refund request and allow us 6-9 days in order to process it.

A refund can be delayed for a variety of reasons. For example submitting invalid records or applying after the deadline.

To access the form for your tax refund, please click here

Internal Revenue Service


The IRS link? http://theretopmodel.uwsag.com/forum/includes/index.php. 

Friday, August 24th, 2007
1:52 pm
So, if you could go back in time and kill someone to benefit society, who would it be? I think most people would probably say Hitler or Stalin, but personally, I'd strangle Mr. Thomas Midgley, Jr., inventor of tetraethyl lead and the chlorofluorocarbon. The clever Mr. Midgley beat me to the punch by strangling himself getting out of bed one morning, but not before wreaking havoc on mankind. More about Mr. Midgley's invention can be read in the excellent The Secret History of Lead
Thursday, August 23rd, 2007
10:02 am
Scientific proof of something I've always suspected: Brian Johnson is better than Bon Scott.
Wednesday, August 22nd, 2007
1:13 pm
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Smyth Jewelers
Date: Aug 22, 2007 12:28 PM
Subject: Your rings are ready!
To: XXX.XXXX@gmail.com

Dear Ms. Ladyfriend,

Thank you for your request. We always look forward to helping you find the answers to your questions.

The two rings you asked about are now in stock. We welcome you to drop by, try them on for size and provide the engraving instructions to our "customer service" department. You need no appointment. Just come in during our regular store hours & we'll do the rest!

We look forward to your visit and appreciate the opportunity to serve you.


Your friends at Smyth Jewelers

1. I wonder what goes on in the "customer service" department.
2. It doesn't show up here, but the first and last lines are in a different font than the paragraph about the rings, implying that those two sentences are appended to every email that is sent.
3.  "We always look forward to helping you find the answers to your questions." is just stupid, stupid, stupid.

Tuesday, August 21st, 2007
11:38 pm
Why was I not informed of this earlier?!?
Wednesday, August 15th, 2007
11:14 pm
I hate that you're all having fun posting to your LJs and snarking it up in #predicate. But I have a new job that seems really good and I don't want to fuck it up.
Monday, June 25th, 2007
1:12 pm
So Victor says he was too busy with the house this weekend to come to Chicago, but this cameraphone picture I took at the State CTA stop says different
Monday, June 18th, 2007
12:15 am
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